I’m sorry but today sucked…at least for me. Without
getting too specific, I found out that I owed quite a few thousand dollars that
I didn’t even realize. Given the circumstances around the debt, I was really pissed
off and I remained in this state for a good few hours. I let the anger and
frustration consume me. I felt miserable and I treated people around me poorly. I was unfocused and less constructive in everything I did.

Throughout this time, my mind would occasionally urge me to
just step back, pause and watch. I was way too wound up in my negative emotions
to take the advice. I didn’t want to step back and observe the situation
from a more peaceful perspective. I wanted
to stay pissed off, to be in it. At least my strong habitual
drive did. “Screw that, I’m not observing anything. The universe can kiss my
ass.”

After hours of self induced torture, I had had enough. I
decided to use all of my will to step back and watch myself from a higher vantage
point. I started observing my anger. What exactly
did it feel like? Where was it located?  I
just observed it. I didn’t analyze why
I was angry, that would have just gotten wound me up again. I just observed how I was angry. Within a few seconds of
me willing myself to do this, the anger started to lose intensity. The more I
observed it, the less of a hold it had over me. Shortly after, things became
clearer and I felt much better. From here I made better choices on how to proceed.

What can I say? Shit sometimes happens. How we consciously react to it is what counts.
I clearly still have more than my fair share of automatic negative responses to
life but I think the key is to be aware and diligent…and never take your eyes
off of it!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 14th, 2007 at 8:55 pm and is filed under Meditation, Purpose, Spirituality. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.